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Hey its lord Evil and i decided to share some of my blog

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  • Hey its lord Evil and i decided to share some of my blog


    I work in security and I have many many stories to tell as I have worked in security for 8 years. But sadly my last blog was erased from the forums by mistake, I have decided to make my blog even bigger and better and as always my stories are FACT and really happened to me. A great man once said TELL IT AS IT IS OR DON'T FUCKING BOTHER TELLING IT.

    My First Night as a bouncer.

    When I got a job as a bouncer they put me by the DJ box over looking the dance floor its standard for the newest guy to be posted here as your not exactly thrown in the deep end but yet still hands on.

    I was by the DJ box and this gay guy came up to me and started flirting. I have nothing against gay people I have lots of gay friends and I'm used to it so it was no problem for me I told him I'm straight and I have a girlfriend and I'm not interested and he goes away. he comes back about 20 minutes later and says to me I forgot to tell you I think you look very sexy in your uniform. I brush him off by saying thank you my girlfriend agrees with that. and he goes away and again comes back a little later time unknown about 40 minutes later but hard to say. he says to me he really fancies me and I say to him look your doing my head in now im not interested GO AWAY. he says but I love you your my princess. I say to him if you dont fuck off now im going to throw you out on your fucking arse. he grabs my shirt and tries to kiss me I sweep the back of his legs and he drops to the floor and I get on the radio and say get this arsehole out of here.
    the head doorman comes in and says whats wrong? I say hes drunk and making a nuisance of himself and I'm getting several complaints I lied.

    I came back to work there again Saturday night. Again I was placed by the DJ box and told to overlook the dance floor. the 1st 2 hours of the night passed without incident when I noticed this guy talking to a Midget some dwarf type person around about 4ft tall no way was he over 4'5. next thing I know is the dwarf uppercuts this guy right in the bollocks ( the nuts ) and the guy goes down in pain. I come over and tap the guy on the shoulder. he says yeah what the fuck do you want. and then turns around and looks up now I'm 6'6 tall and he looks up at me with a worried look on his face and says OH HOLY FUCK FUCK ME. and then says he doesn't want trouble and will come quietly. I escort him out of the club and tell the head doorman not to let him back in.

    2 hours later I had an incident girl aged 18 I know because she has a birthday badge with 18 on it. she came up to me crying I calmed her down and got her to tell me what was up. she said a guy, ( and gave me a description ) said he come up behind her put 1 hand down the front of her top over the shoulder pulled her close to him then slipped his left hand up her skirt inserted his fingers in her privates and then licked her neck. I took her to a female bouncer while I looked for the guy matching the description. and I found him just as he was in the middle of doing it again to someone else. I dragged him off her and he threw a punch and missed I saw it coming and easily dodged I followed with a right hook just as I landed the punch the head doorman was there he must have been notified and come to find me. we get him in a double arm lock and walk him backwards with us facing forwards and escorted him out of the nightclub. strangely enough, he was protesting we can't kick him out because he has paid for a VIP pass. The head doorman told him to shut the fuck up, lucky for us there was a police van outside with police officers in it. the guy was arrested and I gave a police statement I never saw the girls anymore that night I don't know where they went, but the following week the 18 yr old came back and thanked me and her parents also. the rest of the night passed without any incidents.

  • #2

    I was working at the nightclub on new years eve, now I have gained a little bit of a reputation as a bit of a flirt with the women and a bit of a prankster with many of the door staff. My head doorman always said I would never be able to prank him and tonight on new years eve I was determined to get him and I was given my chance.

    1 hour before opening he said to me I want you to search the V.I.P toilets both the men's and the women's toilets and take this radio and call me if there is any problems. I check the women's toilets and radio though the all clear and then I reach the mens toilets. I called in over the radio we have a big leak in the mens Urinal it needs urgent attention. the head doorman came running up with the night club owner behind him he asks me where's the leak? I pointed over to the urinal and in it was sat this vegetable... before work I popped to the supermarket and bought a leek. the head doorman seeing the vegetable calls me a pain in the arse gives me a slap round the back of the head and says get the fuck down the stairs giving me a kick up the arse as I walk out the door. Later downstairs he shakes my hand and says well done nobody has ever pranked him before.

    Later that night I would be back at the VIP toilets with an incident.

    At 23.50 before new years we got a report from someone drug dealing in the VIP toilets. I went to the VIP toilets with 2 other bouncers the man refused the search and refused to budge so I called the police on my mobile. the police informed us they were dealing with a serious incident and could be at least an hour. The 3 of us got him into a 3 man lock and force escorted him to the designated holding area until the police arrived.

    The Guy was demanding a drink as he was really thirsty and I decided I'm going to play this smart. I said your getting nothing your refusing a search and how do we know you don't have any weapons on you if 1 of us leaves and you are armed it could be dangerous. He was pretty insistent that he had no weapons so I said let us search you if were happy you have no weapons on you I will go get you a drink he agrees to be searched he's sweating like a mother fucker.

    After searching him and finding 15 wraps of drugs and over


    • #3
      A few small Incidents working in retail security. for those who dont know we call shopping carts in the uk a shopping trolley.

      I once Caught this woman shoplifting, it was my 1st day on the Job. she walked out of the store with tonnes of items in a shopping trolly and the alarms went off and I stopped her and said excuse me but you havent paid for these items I see you walked past the check outs and out of the store without paying. she said you know I often come here shopping and forget to pay. I said what do you mean often she said im here every saturday sometimes I pay sometimes I forget. I thought this and odd and asked to check out the CCTV for the last 4 weeks and we managed to get 4 counts of shoplifting not just one. we wouldn't have known about the others had she not said anything.

      Another shift I was working nights and around 2am and this woman came upto me in her 70s and she was an old hag woman really scruffy not a damn tooth in her head. she said I need some vodka but I have no money to pay for it. I said well if you have no money to pay for it you cant have it. she said if you let my husband here shoplift as much vodka as he can carry I will take you down to the under store car park, I will let you fuck me I will suck your **** and I promise to swallow the lot. I told her no way am I letting them shoplift I have a girlfriend and im loyal and if they dont fuck off im calling the police.

      Another shift I was working 2pm until midnight the shift was a 12 midday until 12 midnight. but the guard had called in sick and they phoned me asking if I could cover it. I said no problem but no way will I be ready and get to the store until 2pm as its short notice they said thats fine and they will notify the store.

      I get to the store and I notice in the car park is a shopping trolly in it was a playstation 3 console a wii console and about 10 games for each one and a dvd player and a few dvds a few cases of beer and a few other items of food. I look around and theres nobody there. I inform the store manager as it looks like a possible theft as none of its bagged. he comes with me and we then proceed take the trolly inside the store. then we hear this louad woman shouting THATS MY FUCKING SHOPPING. we turn around and this huge woman she looked like one of the klumps from nutty professor.

      we ask why her shopping was left un attended with high value goods in the trolly and does she have a receipt. she produces a receipt. and explain that she did her Christmas shopping and was hungry and went to pizza hut across the way. and as the trollys are unable to leave the carpark she left it on the side of the car park and ate her pizza in the window and kept an eye on it. we said why didnt you put it in the back of your car she said she was going to get a taxi home with it after she ate her pizza. I said next time get a taxi home and order a pizza for when you get home.

      This one is most Recent as of 15th of November 2016. I moved to Birmingham in 2015 and got work as a night club bouncer and I was loving it I was working Tuesday Wednesday's Friday and Saturday's. but then they decided to cut down the number of Bouncers from 20 to 10 as they felt they could still operate just fine with the bare minimum instead of 2 men in each position they figured 1 is fine. so hours got cut and instead of laying everyone off 10 did Tuesday Wednesday's and 10 did Friday Saturday's. I was on the Friday & Saturday team.

      so I figured I cant live on this small money as im saving up for Reapercon and I look on the internet and see they need a retail security officer and I thought what the hell why not...

      I got the Job I was working in the supermarket and on my 1st day I caught these 3 teenagers shoplifting I recovered all the stock. The store manager said its 30 minutes to closing time it will take atleast an hour for the police to get here as its a Friday night its best to let them go. I agreed to do so. 3 days later they return this time theres 6 of them but they dont enter the store they are just hanging around outside. I figure as long as they are out there and not in here shoplifting I dont give a shit. but unknown to me they are waiting to see what time my shift ends.

      22.00 (10pm) comes and my shift ends and I ride my motorbike down to the petrol station to fill up and I look over and see the little fuckers going into the store. I ride my bike over to the store entrance and throw them out.

      The next day all 6 of them return but im on my break so I dont see them enter the store. when I finish my break I see them in the store and tell them to leave I search them and find items in their bags from the store and I make them leave Im told by one of them with a big mouth if I dont stop harrasing them hes going to knock me out. I said ok then big mouth just you me and you now outside if you think your hard enough. and their friends told him to stop it. they said they are on CCTV and its not worth the trouble and they leave the store. I report the threat of assult to the store manager and he says they are all mouth but ban them from the store they are always in here shoplifting.

      The next night the one with the big mouth returns to the store and I stop him at the door tell him hes banned and hes not coming in. he says hes coming in and im not big enough to stop him. I say to him try and get past me if you think you can but you will fail and he tries and he fails. hes pissed off and he says I will be back in 10 minutes I only live around the corner and I know thats your bike I saw you on it leaving work the other night and im coming back with a hammer and im going to fuck it up. and im going to smack you in the head with the hammer and knock you the fuck out. I say to him if he thinks hes hard enough fight me 1 on 1 now in the carpark why use a hammer why be a *****. but he just said he will be back in 10 minutes and hes bringing a hammer.

      I speak to the store manager and tell him whats happened and that I wish to call the police as I have been threatened. he says grow up stop being a cry baby and you dont need to call the police nothing has happened get out there and do your damn Job and leave me alone to do mine. I thought well fuck you and went back to doing my job. But I grabbed my bike keys and moved my bike around the side of the store out of the way.

      Guess what? yup he came back and with a hammer I was ready for him he shouted at me wheres your bike? I said you will never find it if you want to use the fucking hammer try it on me. he takes a swing at me and I grab his arm and I disarm him. I said to him if he doesnt fuck off now I will leave a trail of his blood and teeth around the fucking car park. he ran off.

      I went into the store and said to the store manager Im calling the police I been threatened with a hammer and it will be on CCTV and I want him arrested. The store manager says he doesnt want the police called and then I find out why. the store has no CCTV and hasnt had any working CCTV for 6 months and that was my last night working there I decided fuck them its not worth it and im not safe working there I handed in my notice and went back to working the doors.


      • #4
        Jenova's Witness Wrecked my bike...

        I was working in security I had to work a night shift 7pm - 7am and I would leave my house around 5pm to get there on time as its a 30 mile journey one way. One Saturday Evening the weather was beautiful nice summers evening I rode to work 30 miles in just Jeans and a T-shirt and it was a beautiful ride I loved it.

        The weather was nice not too hot not too cold I couldn't ask for better riding weather. I did my 12 hour shift and to my horror 6am the heavens opened up and it fucking pissed down heavy rain thunder and lighting I had 2 choices security work uniform or the Jeans and t-shirt I came in. But I couldn't ride home in my work uniform it wasnt comfortable on a bike.

        So for 30 miles it was heavy rain with thunderstorms I was freezing fwasn'tg cold the rain was heavy the visibility was poor so I had to ride home at almost half the speed limit it really sucked and took me an hour longer to get home then it should have done. so I got home Sunday morning around 10am. I parked my bike around the side of the house and then went through the gate side gate. I went in through the side door stripped off put the heating on had a nice hot bath and I felt better. after that I was fucking exhausted.

        I eventually climbed into bed around 11.30am and fell asleep I later on around 12.30 lunch time according to the bed side clock there was a loud banging on the front door I ignored it there wasnt a force on earth that could get me out of that nice warm bed to answer that door or so I thought. I tried to ignore it and hoped they would go away but they didnt. they knocked on the window and again I ignored it and hoped they would go away but they never I saw these 2 huge women pass my bike. I was looking through a gap in the curtains and listened as they opened the side gate and knock on the side door im getting pissed off now but I put my head under my pillows and refuse to budge and try to go back to sleep and then it happened.

        my side gate is a funny narrow side gate the only way to close and lock it is to walk out backwards and pull it towards you so the latch clips in place. these 2 huge women walking backwards out the side gate not looking where they are going walk into my bike and I hear CRASH my 1st thought was FUCK IT THATS MY BIKE I HAVE ONLY HAD IT 6 MONTHS ITS STILL NEW. its a yamaha 125 yes its a shitty little bike but it was my 1st ever bike and I fucking loved it.

        I jumped out of bed got dressed and opend the front door to see them picking up my bike its fucked the handle bars fucked it fell throttle side down the mirror is nolonger attached theres glass everywhere. I say what the fuck have you done to my bike? 1 woman says the wind blew it over we didnt do it. I said I doubt that the bikes never once fallen over and its been out here in stronger wind then this. what do you want anyway I work night shifts I just got home and im trying to sleep.

        she smiles at me and says sorry we disturbed you but are you prepaired to let Jesus into your house?
        I said Jesus yeah sure no problem Jesus is always welcome into my house but you 2 ****s can fuck off and then I closed the door and went back to bed.


        • #5
          Interesting read.


          • #6
            So tl;dr you're a bouncer and love Jesus